Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Brake for Yard Sales

Listen carefully, I have some very important advice for you.

You must - MUST - stop at yard sales.

You never - NEVER - know what you'll find.

A beautiful antique floor lamp, a backpack, a decorative candle....

Two goofy costumes made out of cardboard and paint....

If you never stop, you'll never happen upon a find like these. And then you'll never be able to come home, make your 16 yr old and husband dress up in them and make fools of themselves in the yard.

And that'd just be a real shame.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Another Farm Fiasco Part II

Hey cows! readers! Remember part I of the Great Escape story? Here's part II. The part where I save the day. Seriously!

From my sister's blog I quote, "[She] saved the day, I tell you." In italics.

Nevermind it was after a thinly veiled criticism of my tendency to talk a lot. But hey, it was my ability to talk a lot that saved the day. In italics.

(I kinda like this whole 'someone else writes my blog posts' thing.)

Hey cow - Who you lookin' at, huh? After all that, I'm done taking any crap from you bovines, ya hear? Done.

I think we've been going too easy on them. Gotta show 'em who's boss. This oughta intimidate 'em: You think?

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ten Things Overheard at Grandma's Birthday Party

Grandma: "I'm an old lady now. That means I can't remember words."

Mom: "That was a long time ago."
Grandma: "It wasn't THAT long ago, it was only like 30 years ago."

Grandma, talking about a high school boyfriend: "He must've been gay. In two years the only time he touched me was when we were dancing."

Grandma: "Back then we didn't say gay, you know. We just said he was 'different.'"

Grandma, receiving a gift wrapped in a plastic bag: "Is this a dead chicken?"
Jackie, the gift giver: "Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

(Note: It WAS a dead chicken.)
(Yes way.)

Grandma: "A dead chicken for an old hen!"

Me to Grandma: "Here's MY gift. Dead beets."

Grandma: "Dead beets from a bunch of deadbeats."

Jackie doing a 5-minute impression of her horse after taking a big bite of a jalapeno plant in the garden.

Aunt Susan: "You know what they say, if my boobs were any longer they'd be nuts."

and a bonus:

Gordy: "I think football in the other room is calling. Please excuse me."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Google Likes Me! They Really Really Like Me!

Did you know that if you search for "Boots in the 80's," my blog comes up as the first option of 3,010,000? I thought you might want to know. And here's why.

I think it should somehow be my new tagline...

"Wistful Wanderlust.... Your Place for Useless Knowledge"

Friday, September 18, 2009

Another Farm Fiasco

"Now where'd did that d*mn steer go?!?"

We had another eventful weekend on the farm, but this time it wasn't my fault! I wasn't involved! I am completely innocent of any and all wrong-doing!
Ok, I did inadvertently allow that one rogue steer to crash through the fence (as opposed to jumping over, like a sane animal might do) and escape into a 100 acre cornfield, but that's only because after racing him up and down the fence line he finally decided to show me who's boss and put on the steam.

Sounds like a new tv game show - "Are You Faster than a 1000 lb. Steer?"

In a word, no. No, no I'm not.

I'd love to tell you the whole story, but I've got a busy weekend ahead. I'll let my sister regale you with the details. Besides, it's her farm, they're her steers, and it's about time one of the farm fiascos happened while she was in town rather than out,
leaving us dopes in charge. (Wishing now you'd've booked that exotic Caribbean cruise, aren't ya sis.)
And besides, she's funny. And she can lift haybales her own d*mn self, thank you very much.

Part I of the "Great Escape" is here. Enjoy!