Grandma: "I'm an old lady now. That means I can't remember words."
Mom: "That was a long time ago."
Grandma: "It wasn't THAT long ago, it was only like 30 years ago."
Grandma, talking about a high school boyfriend: "He must've been gay. In two years the only time he touched me was when we were dancing."
Grandma: "Back then we didn't say gay, you know. We just said he was 'different.'"
Grandma, receiving a gift wrapped in a plastic bag: "Is this a dead chicken?"
Jackie, the gift giver: "Yes, as a matter of fact it is."
(Note: It WAS a dead chicken.)
Grandma: "A dead chicken for an old hen!"
Me to Grandma: "Here's MY gift. Dead beets."
Grandma: "Dead beets from a bunch of deadbeats."
Jackie doing a 5-minute impression of her horse after taking a big bite of a jalapeno plant in the garden.
Aunt Susan: "You know what they say, if my boobs were any longer they'd be nuts."
and a bonus:
Gordy: "I think football in the other room is calling. Please excuse me."