I'm Calm, I'm Calm, I'm Perfectly Calm

Actually, I'm not calm. I'm not calm at all. In fact, I'm perfectly NOT calm, if such a thing is possible.

I lost my digital camera... I lost my digital camera.... I LOST MY DIGITAL CAMERA!

I'm going to do some deep breathing now.

I've retraced my steps. I've turned the house upside down. I've searched the van a dozen times. And the car. And the laundry room. I checked coat pockets, totebags, and behind cushions and under beds, and dumped my purse upside down just to be sure, even though I'd already searched it 17 times.

I'm a little... a little.... crazed.

I'm not a good photographer. I finally gave up taking photos a few years ago after spending way too much money to develop consistently bad pictures. There is no chronological photo record of my children. There are huge gaps in our lame-excuses-for family albums. I vowed to someday take a photography class, but until then, my husband and our loan officer begged me to stop trying to take decent photos. Sometimes you've just gotta give in, accept the fact that it ain't your gift. I reached that point a few years ago.

And then my mom gave us a digital camera.

Being out of practice, it actually took me a few years to really take it out for a spin. I'm shamefully behind when it comes to all-things-technology. While you're fiddling with your new plasma HD tv, I'm just learning what my dvd/vcr combo can do. While you're enjoying your drop-down dvd players in your stow-and-go minivan, I'm just getting used to having a CD player in mine. I cannot watch a movie if I'm home alone because I haven't the first clue how to use the dvd/satellite/stereo combo, or which of the 84 remote controls to use, or h*ll, how to turn it on, even. A common joke in our family when we see the latest gizmo, gadget, or device is, "Look kids! We'll have one of those in, like, 8 years!"

But once I started using my digital camera I was hooked. I could take photos and discard the bad ones? At no cost? Oh for the love of all things delete-able, I was in heaven. And when I took up blogging, I had a new reason to snap photos to my heart's content. People would actually see the good ones! I could actually showcase my newfound hobby! And when you can delete 99 out of 100 pictures, even a photography-challenged schmuck like me can take a few good shots.

I've taken to carrying my digital camera everywhere I go. I've taken to watching for good shots; noticing the long shadows of the early morning, chronicling every mundane detail of our lives.

And now... it's.... LOST. I called all the places I went the other day. Then I called them again. And again. I tried to call them a 27th time but suddenly all the lines seem to be busy at the same time.

And already I've missed about 3 dozen photo opportunities. My nephew Armando was just sitting and strumming our guitar that's about 3 times his size. I baked corn muffins the other day. I have a blooming paperwhite bulb. These things are too important to go undocumented.

My family is equally panicked.

Jonathan desperately wants me to find it so I'll, well, stop looking for it and do something else for a while. Like cook. Talk in complete sentences. Drive him to functions again.

Brady misses having a camera intrude on his every moment.


And Rob cusses cringes because he knows how much a new freakin' digital camera will cost him I like to take pictures. He's been so worried about the potential hit to his pocketbook me that he's been a diligent search helper.

When he saw a flyer advertising digital cameras on the breakfast table this morning with shiny new high-powered cameras highlighted, circled, and surrounded by neon lights, he vowed to keep searching until he finds it.

And until I find it, or until I steal buy a new one, I'll have to blog using only the photos I've got stored on my computer. The pain of having to peruse my meager stash of 9,592 photos rather than take new ones.. is just... it's just... too... much.

I'm gonna go cry a little bit more now.

*****
P.S. As a thanks for reading this far, and as a token of my appreciation for the oodles of sympathetic vibes that I'm sure you're already sending my way, and because my bookshelf is so full I have resorted to stacking books willy-nilly all over the house, and because I have three copies of a certain book due to my penchant for used book sales and can't seem to turn down one of my favorites when it's only $1 even though I already HAVE TWO copies, and because I think contests are fun, and because I didn't even intend to hold one but then realized the title of this post was just asking for it, and because Whimisgal is holding one and I do everything she does (except cook really pretty tapas foods) (oh, and take really lovely pictures), and because I can't think of anything else to say... (((puff, puff, puff, deeep inhale)))...

I will mail a copy of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.'s book, Women Who Run With Wolves; Myths & Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype to the first reader who can tell me the name of the show my blog post's title comes from! (Was that last sentence grammatically-challenged or what?!) I will even mail you my only hard-cover copy because I am too cheap to buy own very few hard-covered books so I might as well not keep this one!

Grrrls, this is one cool book. And if you already have it, well, have another. Or give it to your friend. Or hold your own contest. Or give it to someone who needs to lighten up and find her inner grrrl. And guyz (not that I have any male readers), don't despair - you'll have the perfect gift for your special grrl provided I mail it in time for Christmas! Or solstice! Or Hanukkah! Or Kwanzaa! Or National Eggnog Day! And she'll think you're incredibly insightful and deep for choosing it. (It'll be our little secret.)

So, enter now! The early bird gets the worm! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Where there's a will there's a way! As you make your bed, so must you lie in it! (Um... huh?) In other words, who's gonna be first?

(By the way, I know there are better ways to hold a contest, but it's the best I can do on short notice. Besides, the contest is just a diversion to take my mind off my lost camera for awhile. Wait, I just remembered.)


Waahhhhh!!!!